Okay so this may be a long post, so bare with me, I'm gonna explain some stuff about myself, not everything but a little. You can read if you feel like it.
So I'm an incredibly lonely person. Not many true friends, I'm still in school, and I recently had to see a counciler for when I was became incredibly depressed, because of a note my brother left me, my friends all seemed terribly angry with me, and I was slowly feeling like everything was turning on me. I am better now though a lot better that day was like hell to me. I have been suffering from a non diagnosed depression, not serious enough to self harm, even though I have thought about it and I have done it a few times but not to a serious extent, I just end up biting myself or raking my fingernails down my arm to calm myself down. It's not a good thing to be in and i'm sure many of you know this. I have very little self esteem, this is becaused years ago my best friend took away all of my friends and made the entire grade turn its back on me and ignore me. I broke down in 3rd grade where I took my fingernails and started tearing at my arm while in sobs, no one tried to stop me, and afterwards the teacher roughly grabbed my arm, took me to the counselor and I was ignored by all the children for the rest of the day. I know its quite dumb to think about, but the reason I explained this is because that day I thought of suicide, and it was terrible, though I did not attempt it at all, nor do I do any cutting. I find suicide a cowards game, and I am not willing to play it. I cry easily. I hate it. Odd right? Or well I did cry easily, not anymore though, I don't cry easily from physical wounds, but emotional, they hurt especially when from close friends, or family. I am explaining this to you all not for pity, just because I feel like it and wish for someone to hear me out, to listen, or rather read my story. Though I have a good life at home, loving parents, a bed to sleep on, food on the table, much more than most, and I completely appreciate it all. My emotions are the only things out of wack. In fifth grade, I felt nothing absolutely nothing for two days, where I did not smile, barely spoke and barely ate, my friends seemed so concerned, though after the second day I was my normal self. For an entire summer and a bit of a school year I could not truely laugh, I found nothing completely funny and then I did it was odd. My friends and family are what I fear of losing. That is my only true fear. I don't care what others think of me, I know some think i'm ugly, dumb, weird (which I take as a complement), and possibly a good friend. Which is certainly fine with me, it's their opinions. I was so tired of everyone getting to me and putting me down, so I began to ignore them, I heard but did not care, I fixed myself on the ones who want to be my friends not my foes.
I hope this helped you in some way, or just let you learn a bit about me.
So you guys, you have been supportive, very supportive, and I thank you all for it! It makes me honestly happy and i feel a little appreciated, thank you! So much! Just so this won't be completely about me, how are you guys? How have your lives been going anything good happen recently? anything bad?well once more thank you. And I'm off.
P.S. This post may be deleted, and that was just a little bit of my life.
~Leh Grey Sage~
